Beaver Pees on CBS Reporter

The groundhog Punxsutawney Phil’s beaver cousin Punxsutawney Bill emerged from its dam and peed on a CBS reporter, thereby guaranteeing 6 more years of piss poor reporting.

IN THE NATURAL WORLD

The submissive male always positions himself lower then the dominant male upon their initial meeting.

Stopthepresses psychics (psycho chics) look into future and give us a peek at Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s Christmas eve, New York City trial.

Just in time for the holidays. After killing thousands of Americans on 911, Self-proclaimed Sept. 11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed , believes himself to be Mohammand-Claus. In an attempt to prove that the terrorist is delusional, the U.S. District Attorney today asked the Court to declare Khalid Sheikh Mohammed a Muslim terrorist and to force him to remove his beard and little red hat. The terrorist’s attorney in a counter move, asked the Court to declare that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is in fact Mohammed-Claus. In a classic holiday scene, the terrorist’s attorney related to the judge that he has letters from people who, after cheering the death and destruction of 911, wrote letters to Mohammed-Claus, that the U.S. Post Office delivered to the court house. After the attorney hesitated the judge ordered him to put the letters on his desk. The judge was soon covered in letters, as the court room full of Muslims exploded with calls of “Allahu Akbar” and “fa la hal la la gee, gee, gee, gee…...” The judge became suspicious when he noticed that the letters that covered him, all smelled like a strange mix of camels, pita bread, hummus, and baba ghanoush. The trial has been continued until Christmas Eve.

Move over Santa-claus

First there was Kwanzaa-Claus, now thanks to the Obama administration, diversity and political correctness, welcome Mohammad-Claus.

Today newspapers, tomorrow television news Pinky (#39)

New York Times to lay off news service workers

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The New York Times News Service, which repackages Times stories for other media outlets, is laying off at least 25 employees.
Those cuts are in addition to the 100 newsroom jobs the Times plans to eliminate by the end of the year.

The Times, like newspapers across the country, is cutting costs as advertising revenue falls.

LASSIE COMMENTS ON OBAMA'S AFGHANISTAN NON- DECISION

"Bark! Bark-bark! Bark!" What is it, Lassie? "Bark! Bark-bark-bark!" What is it boy? "Bark-bark!" What, you pushed timid obama in a well? "Bark! Bark-bark-bark!" Good boy Lassie.

ABORTION ACTIVISTS TO CHANGE SLOGAN

FROM "MY BODY, MY CHOICE" TO "KILL, KILL, KILL".

LET’S PLAY MUSLIM TERRORIST TRIAL

POLICE INVESTIGATE THE CRIME

In the Fort Hood shooting of November 5, 2009, a gunman opened fire in the Soldier Readiness Center of Fort Hood, Texas—the most populous US military base in the world—located just outside Killeen, killing 13 people and wounding 30 others.

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MOTIVE: Jihad

THE VICTIMS

13 American men and women murdered. 30 American men and women wounded.

THE OFFENDER

THE PROSECUTOR PRESENTS HIS CASE

EVIDENCE: Federal investigators were looking into months of contacts between Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan and extremist imam Anwar al-Awlaki. The imam who knew three of the Sept. 11 hijackers and hailed Maj. Hasan as a "hero" after the shooting last week at Fort Hood that left 13 people dead. Anwar al Awlaki, who now lives in Yemen and runs a web site that promotes jihad around the world against the U.S.

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Hasan gave a PowerPoint presentation to fellow Army doctors in 2007 in which he said, "It's getting harder and harder for Muslims in the service to morally justify being in a military that seems constantly engaged against fellow Muslims." He recommended that Muslim soldiers be given the option of being released from the military as conscientious objectors to decrease what he called "adverse events." Under "comments," he wrote, "We love death more than you love life."

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Former Hasan colleague Col. Terry Lee as saying, "[Hasan] was making outlandish comments condemning our foreign policy and claimed Muslims had the right to rise up and attack Americans"; that Hasan admitted to being "happy" upon learning of the Muslim who killed a soldier at an Arkansas military recruitment center; and that he once said, "maybe people should strap bombs on themselves and go to Time Square." Chron.com reports that Hasan had created "Internet postings that discussed suicide bombings and other threats," and that "one of the Web postings that authorities reviewed is a blog that equates suicide bombers with a soldier throwing himself on a grenade to save the lives of his comrades."

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Hasan walked among the "aggressors" and yelled Allahu Akbar before punctuating his story with a burst of violence.

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His name appears on radical Internet postings. A fellow officer says he fought his deployment to Iraq and argued with soldiers who supported U.S. wars. He required counseling as a medical student because of problems with patients.

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We know that he often wore a long gown and skull cap, called by some "native Arab dress" but, whatever it was, it was clearly intended by him to be Muslim dress, non-American dress.

THE PUBLIC DEFENDER TEAM

THE DEFENCE:

Deversity,
Don’t rush to judgment
Multi-culturalism
Political correctness

THE JURY VERDICT

What is you verdict on count one? Was this murdering coward involved in a Muslim Terrorist attack.

WE THE JURY FIND THE COWARDLY DEFEND GUILTY

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What is you verdict on count two? Are President Barack Obama and General George Casey worthless piece of shit.

WE THE JURY FIND THE WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT GUILTY OF BEING WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT. WE THE JURY ALSO FIND THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA TO BE CO-CONSPIRATOR PIECES OF SHIT.

WHAT IF?

What if Barack Obama had been President on December 8, 1941?

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President Obama gives speech on the attack on Pearl Harbor at music awards dinner.

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Thank you ladies and gentlemen this has been a great event. Let me send a shout out to the great bandleader and Metal of Honor winner, there he is Count Bassie. Stand up Count. Man I just love your songs. Aboom, boom a de woop, boom, boom a skee bop. You and me are going to have to take the A-train together. You can count on that. Anyway yesterday, December 7, 1941—a date which will live in me—the United States of America, for which I am the President, was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces associated with Japan. Hey, there's Billie Holliday, You go girl with that strange fruit shit. I just hope that's not a gay slur or I'll have to have J. Edgar haul you in for a hate crime. Now we're not going to jump to conclusion or have a rush to judgment, because we believe that this attack came from an isolated carrier group acting on their own,that just happens to be Japanese. Yes it was a terrible act of violence, where we lost many ships and military personnel. That I am Commander in Chief of, but we can't rush to judgment and start to attack the wonderful peace loving nation of Japan. Which has a long history as a peaceful warrior society.

U.S. to open Guantanamo branch in Chicago to house mandatory Government Health Care violators

New Guantanamo Chicago branch to be called Chitmo.

AMERICAN ZERO

"Our diversity, not only in our Army, but in our country, is a strength. And as horrific as this tragedy was, if our diversity becomes a casualty, I think that's worse," Casey added on NBC's "Meet the Press." We want to give, as many different people as possible, the chance to slaughter our young men and women. Why should our troops only be killed over seas? They should be in just as much danger over here. I mean it’s only fair.”

Ronald Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

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Barack Obama: "Mr Geithner, tear down Wal-Mart!"

Colin Powell holds news conference on Fort Hood Muslim Murderer and Stopthepresses was there.

Colin Powell: I’d like to speak today about the poor Muslim who is being attacked by the right wing of my very own party for doing what he thought he needed to do. You see much like Major Nidal Malik Hasan, I too was picked on for my beliefs, but fortunately I had a wonderful wise grandmother to talk to, who stopped me from being a mass murderer at a young age. Now I’ am going to tell you something my grandmother Lula Tennet would tell me when I was a young child. Sometimes the children at school would be mean to me and call me Colin Crunch, so I would come home crying and wetting up my uniform. Grand ma would fix the gold brushes on my shoulders and say Colin always remember “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Stopthepresses2: What if they hit you with a dictionary?

Colin Powell: You’re right. I hadn’t thought of that, I knew there was something that would never hurt me; I thought it was a dictionary, I mean words.

Kellogg's claim that its cereal has immunity-boosting powers is a cheap way to capitalize on parents' swine flu fears, critics tell USA Today.

Flashback General Mills claimed eating Bill Count Chocula Clinton cereal would give you immunity from impeachment.

At 40, Sesame Street Hasn't Aged a Bit

1969
Mmm, mmm, good. Mmm, mmm good that’s what Lyndon Baines Johnson is mmm, mmm, good

2009
Mmm, mmm, mmm Barack Hussein Obama he say we all must lend a hand
Mmm, mmm, mmm Barack Hussein Obama he is the greatest in the land

Detroit, a liberal sucess story

DETROIT — It may be tough to get financing for a new car these days, but in Detroit you can buy a house with a credit card.The median price of a home sold in Detroit in December 2008 was $7,500, according to Realcomp, a listing service.

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Fifty years of Democratic Mayors

Jerome Cavanagh January 2, 1962 – January 6, 1970 Democratic

Roman Gribbs January 6, 1970 – January 1, 1974 Democratic

Coleman Young January 1, 1974 – January 3, 1994 Democratic

Dennis Archer January 3, 1994 – January 4, 2002 Democratic

Kwame Kilpatrick January 4, 2002 – September 18, 2008 Democratic

Kenneth Cockrel, Jr. September 18, 2008 – May 11, 2009 Democratic

Dave Bing May 11, 2009 – present Democratic

OBAMA PLAYS “THE DOZENS” AT FORT HOOD MASSACRE ADDRESS (But at least he shows some compassion.)

Obama: I want to thank everyone for this wonderful conference and I want to send a shout out to that Congressional Medal of Honor winner

Joe Medicine Crow. Stand up Joe. There he is, let me tell you all, me and Joe have been good friends for a long time. I knew Joe when he was on the wagon, and I new Joe when he fell off the wagon, but unfortunately he fell right into a box of whiskey. (Laughs to himself) Joe say a few words.

Joe Medicine Crow: Thanks Barry, but if I am Joe Medicine Crow then you must be Barry Socialized Medicine Crow. (Crowd laughter).

Obama: No Joe, but that’s what the Republicans call Pelosi “Nancy Old Socialized Medicine Crow”. (Laughs to himself)

Joe Medicine Crow: Don’t forget Barry I’ve known you for many moons. I remember when you fell off the wagon too. Unfortunately you fell into a big box of yourself. (Crowd laughter).

Obama: Joe you’re always the kidder.

Joe Medicine Crow: Yeh, I remember you had to use a stick to try to get some of the shit off you. (Crowd laughter).

Obama: Oh I see you want to play the Dozens, OK Joe well, yo Indian mama’s so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Joe Medicine Crow: Yo white mamma’s so fat, when the medicine man diagnosed her with the flesh eating disease; he gave her 5 years to live.

Obama: Oh it’s on. Yo Indian mamma’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman.

Joe Medicine Crow: Yo white mama’so fat and old that when the Great Spirit said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

Obama: Yo Indian mama's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her.

Joe Medicine Crow: Yo white mama's so ugly, I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.

Obama: Yo Indiana mama’s so ugly, people go as her for Halloween.
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Joe Medicine Crow: Yo father so ugly it’s a good thing you never saw him.

Obama: Damn Joe that hurt. By the way there was a massacre at Fort Hood. That’s too bad. I got to go now….

Media makes excuses for Fort Hood Muslim murderer saying he Felt Discriminated Against, Wanted Out of Army

Nidal Malik Hasan considered himself a victim of anti-Muslim bias and had been trying for 6 months to quit the Army, his cousin says. "He would always call me up crying on the phone saying the other soldiers would make fun of him not addressing him as Major Nidal Malik Hasan, but instead they would call him Major Noham-Formi Al Takasalami. And why just because he is Muslim and don’t eat pork?"

White House Warns Dems to Avoid Fox. Strategist reports intimidating phone call after appearance

Break Stuff to Save the Planet: Gore

Former VP endorses civil disobedience against climate change.
We can start with his DVD.

Flags at Half-Staff Through Veterans Day: Obama

President calls the move a 'modest tribute' to Fort Hood victims.

We suggest flying the flag at half mast through the end of the President's term.

A DEMOCRAT SUCCESS STORY

Detroit's 80,000 abandoned buildings, from housing projects to high-rises to industrial plants, have become a magnet for all kinds of vandals, pranksters, and urban explorers.

LIAR, LIAR YOUR PANT'S SUIT'S ON FIRE

Pelnocchio Won't Put Final Health Care Bill Online

The Weekly Standard is beating up on Nancy Pelosi for backing out of her promise, made to a Standard reporter in September, to put the final House health care bill online 72 hours before it’s voted on.

Just in Case You Wanted to Understand the Crap,New Site Decodes Rap

Rap Exegesis can clue you in the way it educated Nick Antosca of the Huffington Post. Some of the explanations the site offers:
Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, “Empire State of Mind”: “Catch me in the kitchen like a Simmons whipping pastry” refers first to cooking up crack, second to fellow rapper Rev. Run’s daughters and their clothing line.
Lil Wayne, “A Milli”: “Got the Maserati dancing on the bridge, pussy poppin’” refers to a dance move involving a woman standing on her head or hands and “popping her ......” Never mind if you want more of this garbage read Huffington Post or visit a Chicago Public school.

Kellogg's claim that its cereal has immunity-boosting powers is a cheap way to capitalize on parents' swine flu fears, critics tell USA Today.

Flashback General Mills claimed eating Kaboom cereal would give you immunity from prosecution.